This self proclaimed slut is going through a ..phase.
I've ascertained that it's not monogamy that's keeping me out of the sack. No, there is no one person who could change my ingrained nature. To understand why I've been off the prowl and away from the pretties, I've had to look much further then the obvious. Even with the focus I've given my studies, there's nothing really in the way of a good romp or two if I desired them.
I blame it on the fact that I'm in love with someone, but I believe he and I don't really think that would stop me.
Is it possible, to be a SLUT, but not be interested in seeking sex!? It's not that I don't still have my urges, somehow I feel as if I should wait until the opportunity comes along to gain what I truly seek from sex. And that's a lot more then sex.
In an attempt to understand the balance of passion and intellect, I've turned to a very old greek myth; Eros and Psyche. Though many would describe me as an impassioned young woman, I relate best with Psyche's character. The young woman who represents the soulful and intellectual side of sex. I've shacked up with beautiful young things that get me wet, and even stir my deepest compassion. However if they cannot match me intellectually I feel as a crucial part of me is invisible to them. Someone who is clever and yet sweet enough to appreciate the girl in their arms is, shall we say, a delicacy.
When I told my lover that he was likely going to be the only man in my life for a while, he remarked that he turned me from a 'slutty lesbian into a straight girlfriend.'
I resent that remark.
But even still, I cannot bring myself to go through the ridiculous mechanics of chasing another skirt. And when men make advances I feel sheepish and unprecedentedly offer a PLATONIC friendship. Recently I've grown tired of the charade of attraction. Yes, you're a pretty girl, of course I want to kiss you. Yes you're a man, of course you want to kiss me. It gets boring, the girls just want me to hold them and spoon feed them self worth. And the men just want to own me as a prize and fill me with their saintly knowledge (among other things) of a favoured Tv show re-run or mechanic equipment.
So when the use of the word slut became a topic with my lover today, I proudly remarked that I was a slut. And that it is used with a bad connotation only by people who don't like sex. And I wondered, with my lover so far away, and with no interesting prospects worth my while, can I still be a slut?
Absolutely. Because sluttiness is not a measure of how many people you've slept with (for I surely would be disqualified). Sluttiness is a quality instilled by belief, by a perspective and a sense of impropriety.
Am I any less bisexual for not sleeping with women lately? Absolutely not! Therefore I can't be any less slutty. The standard has been raised. I ask for a passionate physical connection, as well as a passionate intellectual connection. Though this is something enjoyable it is not exactly sought after. You see, I am in love with a man, but that's not what's keeping me out of bed. It's my love for the world that has me too preoccupied for meaningless dalliances.
Psyche was a frigid nerd, and Eros was a mindless horndog.
It's the space between them that holds my interest ;)
